Fertility Journey

Should we go… to the Doctor?

I have spoken to a lot of women, and I can vouch for Jake and myself. It was a struggle to make the decision to go to the fertility Doctor the first time. I felt as though I was giving up hope… it was putting an end to the “natural pregnancy” excitement. “Why couldn’t it just happen naturally for us?” “Why is there something WRONG with me, or him?” There was a sincere fear of finding out “who” was the reason for the infertility – and I think those are completely natural thoughts. “It is such a HUGE expense.” – in reality, it may not be.

Jake and I had to work through those thoughts – and it took a while. We made the decision together that even if we found out whose body was not allowing pregnancy, that we would NOT blame each other or ourselves. Trust me, this is hard to follow (especially when blaming yourself) – but it’s so worth it. We knew there were a few options – male factor, female factor, or unexplained. One thing for sure – we were going to get some “answers”.

I am thankful he is an encourager, and loves me through all of the emotions, thoughts, and fear. We needed peace of mind to know what was going on with our bodies.

Pursue your dreams of being parents:

If this is something you are struggling with, I encourage you to pursue answers – regardless of how long that process takes. For some, it may be simple – for others it may be more complex – and for a few it may be “unexplained”.

Steps:

  1. Call your insurance – see what they cover for fertility, how long you need to have been trying to conceive for, and ask if they require a referral (many do). Ours covered all the diagnostic parts of the process, some even cover IVF if you need to go that route in the future.
  2. Set up a time to meet with a local fertility Doctor – do a little research to find the right one for you. We are blessed to have found a truly caring Doctor – who understands our desire to be as natural as possible. Find one that fits your needs/desires.
  3. GO – sometimes this is the hardest step. Just go, don’t let the fears hold you back from pursuing your dreams.
  4. Find some individuals to support you emotionally through this process outside of just your spouse. Having a few core friends/family members to love you, encourage you, and pray for you is so valuable.

Remember, you are not alone.

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Fertility Journey

The results are in… and we still wait.

January 26th – I felt nauseous all day and it was hard to breath at times while I waited for their call. I finally got so impatient at 1:47pm that I called them. I could not keep myself distracted for more than 3 minutes – that result was all I could think about. The lady I spoke with said they were making their calls and should be calling me shortly… so I waited some more.
 
2:30 I called a client… and while it was ringing, Dr. Sobel must have called. He left a voicemail, and I prepared myself to listen while I was sitting in the parking lot of Michaels. I could feel the blood pumping through my body. Excited, scared, hopeful, doubtful, a little bit of everything… a very somber Dr. Sobel – “Hi Michele, this is Dr. Sobel. Michele, I don’t have good news for you today. I’m sorry. The bloodwork for the test today was negative, I’m so sorry….” My heart stopped and sunk – way down to my toes. That hope briefly disappeared, and as I’m typing this at 10:39pm on that same day – I am weeping again.
 
How was I going to pull myself together, go on an appointment, and then tell Jake later this evening? How? How could I even possibly drive home right now… how could I get through the evening. Even though I didn’t know how I would do it, I am thankful that client appointment was scheduled ahead of time, otherwise I may have just curled up in a ball and tirelessly cried all evening. Instead, I was able to pull my mind away from it for a few hours, which in turn ended up being what I needed. I wanted to call and cancel, but I am thankful I didn’t.
 
I truly felt your prayers on the drive home, a blanket of comfort began to surround me as I pulled on to Route 30. I could hear text after text coming in that you were each praying for the results. I value those prayers, texts, messages, and calls. You got me through today, and for that I thank you.
 
When I told Jake, he held me. Closely. Just what I needed. I made dinner and we snuggled up to watch some TV while eating. And then… we decided to catch up on some of “This Is Us” – big mistake. The episode they found out they were having triplets, bought their home, and flash-forward images of the babies and bath time. My heart, my heart. Jake knew immediately. He comforted me and held me.
 
Jakob, I know you’re struggling too. You are so strong for me, but your desire to be a Father is so apparent in every aspect of your life. I am full of joy when I see you with children, and I cannot wait for you to experience life through the eyes of fatherhood. Please pray for him as he, too, stumbles through the valleys of this journey – there are peaks ahead, but we really need you in the deepest, darkest moments. We know we’re not alone, but many days it feels as though we are. It’s hard, it’s raw, but the Lord is carrying us through this. We ask that you help carry us too. Laugh with us, cry with us, and rejoice with us.
 
PRAISE #1: I needed to call that client in that moment – so I was distracted. If I would have waiting 30 seconds more, I would have had to call the client AFTER I received the news. I was also able to play the voicemail for Jake.
 
PRAISE #2: Thankful for Dr. Sobel and his heart and compassion. You hear it in his words, and you see it in his actions.
 
PRAISE #3: We went out for a DATE NIGHT on Saturday night! When we entered the theater, we ran in to a very dear friend! Thankful for her hugs and prayers in that moment. I don’t see her often, but we were able to sit next to her in the theater (praying for you too, dear friend!)
 
What’s next?: We are taking a month off from the medication and testing – it was a lot on my body, and I had to make the decision within a day or two after finding out I was not pregnant. That’s a lot to handle. We’re working on the grant applications, and will be moving forward with another round next month – unless we have a MIRACLE in the meantime!