To answer this quickly: ABSOLUTELY!
We understand your hearts behind asking this question – you want to help us figure out another way to follow our dreams.
Give me a moment to go a little deeper with this answer. Jake and I had decided when we were engaged that we would love to adopt some day – regardless of if we have biological children or not. This has always been on our hearts. However, we have not given up on our hope to have biological children as well. There is something so special and amazing to have a sweet little baby growing inside of you. Knowing that you and the love of your life created another life together. How amazing is that?! Literally brings tears to my eyes when I think about that. An outward and growing expression of our love – makes my heart skip a beat. I understand pregnancy is not always the most fun, but I cannot wait until I can feel the precious little flutters, kicks, and rolls. There is nothing to replace that, not even close.
For our first adoption (in the future), Jake and I would love to adopt a newborn. I think it would be very important and valuable to us as parents to experience the newborn stage. We have spoken to many couples that have adopted, and this was their thoughts as well – across the board – especially if our hearts were leaning in that direction. It was also brought up to us to adopt children in order by age – something we had never thought about before.
COST: Many believe we could save more money by adopting rather than going the route of IVF (praying we do not need to). However, adoption costs upwards of $30,000 and IVF is about $20-30,000 (depending). So for us, we would rather initially invest in IVF. Is this selfish, I really don’t think so.
Someday, we will adopt. It is our heartbeat. To give a home, a family, and LOVE to children who are not currently receiving that. This moment, we feel the Lord is continuing to lead us in the direction of pregnancy. This may change, but in the meantime – we ask for your continued love, support, prayers, and understanding.
“Never give up on your dream of being a Mom (Dad)”
We have hope – and we continue to find joy.
Sorry I did not update sooner, many of you have been asking about the appointment. This week has been a little crazy – with our youth Winter Retreat coming up, business meetings, my dad’s shoulder surgery and more fertility appointments.
I had a lot headaches/migraines, achey muscles and joints, light-headedness, and other symptoms with the Letrozole. Praying for a precious miracle so we can avoid further need for Letrozole or othermedications. There is an option for shots which are pure FSH – MUCH more natural, but more expensive. We may seek this route in the future if necessary.
Thursday, January 5th I had my appointment for the Saline HSG and Saline Sonogram. Everything went smoothly, until she needed to manually open my cervix to take a biopsy. Thankful Jake was there so I could squeeze his hand and not yell (too) loudly.
– Results: Lining looked great, tubes were clear/open, and they will be sending the biopsy out.
Jake had taken the day off for my appointment and an appointment he had later in the day. It was a blessing to spend the full day with him. He’s my rock! (“Moment of JOY”) Went out with the family for my early birthday celebration – Hibachi grill – great ending to the day!
Tuesday, January 10th I went in for a follow-up appointment by myself. They drew blood to see if I ovulated (she called later that day around 2:30pm to let me know that I did not ovulate on my own). Another ultrasound was performed: Dr. Sobel was VERY pleased with my lining (9mm), and extremely thrilled with how I responded to the Letrozole – “2 very beautiful follicles” – talk about an ego boost, haha! (“Moment of JOY”) The nurse gave me the Ovidrel that would force my body to ovulate – Letrozole drops your Estrogen in order to create great follicles, however, often times it cannot catch up quickly enough for ovulation.
Jake and I have another follow-up appointment on Thursday, January 19th at 3:30pm. Dr. Sobel would like to review all of our results these past few weeks, and establish a plan moving forward.
We treasure your prayers.
(Photo is of us in the waiting room on 1/5/17)
Wishing each of you a VERY Merry Christmas. May you find comfort and joy in the time spent with your family. Cherish every moment together, and hug your little ones a little tighter. Be encouraged by their excitement Christmas morning while waiting to open their presents. Be PRESENT in each moment – capture the love and joy in your memories.
Prayers for our hearts and emotions right now would be a blessing. This will be our last family Christmas (on Shelly’s side) without aneice/nephew – bitter sweet the reminder of my brother and sister-in-law expecting a little one. Joyous for them, but my heart aches deeper – an active reminder of our vacancy. Many have asked how we’re doing with it – and I truly don’t have a way to describe the juxtaposition of joy and saddness.
I pray for each of you who have reached out to me to share your struggle of infertility. I love you, and we WILL get through this. Thankful to lean on others when we need encouragement and to know you’re not in this alone as a couple – but we don’t wish this heartache on anyone. You are in our hearts! ❤
* Photo: Shelly and Santa Jake! He’s a good sport each year at the Chiropractic office I work at – what a joy to see him with each of the children (and adults). *
What a blessing Christmas lights are this time of year. Brightening the darkness in our physical life – as well as the darkness in our depression, hurt, and pain.
I often find myself taking side roads and detours just to find a new home with lights. Why? Because it brightens my soul – they are beautiful, unique, and remind me of Jesus in my life. He brightens every part of me. He truly is what gets me through each day – I am thankful and blessed to KNOW Him! I often wonder how I could possibly get through this season of life without Him, and without Jake as such a wonderful support.
A little over a week ago, Jake and I put up our outside Christmas lights. Are they perfect? Absolutely not. Are they fun? You bet! We rushed around to put them up in time so our friends could drive by with their three sweet little ones to see them before bedtime. I sent photos of the process (Jake on the ladder in the tree, both of us on the roof, and our indoor lights) to their mom to share with them – apparently we were the talk of their dinner (especially Jake for their eldest daughter, Elsie… I don’t blame her, he’s pretty awesome – and cute!) When they stopped by, we walked outside to greet them. I could not let them drive by without seeing them! Miss Elsie’s response to our decor – “Jake did an AMAAAAAZING job!” What a beautiful soul- she does my heart good!
The past few days I have stopped to take photos of these beautiful homes – not for myself, but for the children. Their joy and excitement with seeing all these fun lights is so beautiful. Some days it’s a painful reminder of our absence of children – I so desperately want to be able to drive around and share in the excitement with OUR children, but for now I will bless other’s children with the photos/moments and use this time as an opportunity to reflect on Jesus.
I don’t think my heart could be any fuller in moments like these:
I made a “Walmart run” today (Wednesday, Dec. 14th, 2016) – I felt the need to go there to buy gifts for my youth girls (Jake and I are youth leaders at Calvary Church). I was planning to go to Target, but I am so glad I was drawn here today.
When I got close to the checkout lines I was on the phone with one of my beautiful cousins (if she wouldn’t have called, I would have already checked out) when along came one of our best friend couples and their five sweet children! I cannot even begin to explain how much this family means to us! They are prayer warriors, encouragers, friends, supporters and genuine listeners. The excitement these children get when they see “Shake & Jelly” is so incredibly good for my soul. Today was a huge blessing to get hugs, hi’s, and kisses! Sweet little Lily reached out for me to hold her. Yup, I was quickly melted in to a puddle – a puddle of joy and love. Asher shared how excited he was to get a balloon pump for Christmas, Noah & Malachi sweetly smiled and chatted, and little Gracee slept in the car seat all snug. My heart grew a million times bigger in that moment.
The children in our lives – through family, friends, and patients – really have no idea how much the hugs, smiles, and excitement with seeing us really help in our healing process through this journey. If only they could truly know how much we love them!
We both would love the love of a child of our own, but for now – we’ll take glimpses of love from other little ones.
This journey is difficult, but God has placed very dear friends in our lives – and we are thankful!
* I attached a photo of one of my favorite ornaments. This was before the two little girls came along! *