Fertility Journey

Infertility. Have you thought about adoption?

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To answer this quickly: ABSOLUTELY!

We understand your hearts behind asking this question – you want to help us figure out another way to follow our dreams.

Give me a moment to go a little deeper with this answer. Jake and I had decided when we were engaged that we would love to adopt some day – regardless of if we have biological children or not. This has always been on our hearts. However, we have not given up on our hope to have biological children as well. There is something so special and amazing to have a sweet little baby growing inside of you. Knowing that you and the love of your life created another life together. How amazing is that?! Literally brings tears to my eyes when I think about that. An outward and growing expression of our love – makes my heart skip a beat. I understand pregnancy is not always the most fun, but I cannot wait until I can feel the precious little flutters, kicks, and rolls. There is nothing to replace that, not even close.

For our first adoption (in the future), Jake and I would love to adopt a newborn. I think it would be very important and valuable to us as parents to experience the newborn stage. We have spoken to many couples that have adopted, and this was their thoughts as well – across the board – especially if our hearts were leaning in that direction. It was also brought up to us to adopt children in order by age – something we had never thought about before.

COST: Many believe we could save more money by adopting rather than going the route of IVF (praying we do not need to). However, adoption costs upwards of $30,000 and IVF is about $20-30,000 (depending). So for us, we would rather initially invest in IVF. Is this selfish, I really don’t think so.

Someday, we will adopt. It is our heartbeat. To give a home, a family, and LOVE to children who are not currently receiving that. This moment, we feel the Lord is continuing to lead us in the direction of pregnancy. This may change, but in the meantime – we ask for your continued love, support, prayers, and understanding.

“Never give up on your dream of being a Mom (Dad)”

 

Fertility Journey

Should we go… to the Doctor?

I have spoken to a lot of women, and I can vouch for Jake and myself. It was a struggle to make the decision to go to the fertility Doctor the first time. I felt as though I was giving up hope… it was putting an end to the “natural pregnancy” excitement. “Why couldn’t it just happen naturally for us?” “Why is there something WRONG with me, or him?” There was a sincere fear of finding out “who” was the reason for the infertility – and I think those are completely natural thoughts. “It is such a HUGE expense.” – in reality, it may not be.

Jake and I had to work through those thoughts – and it took a while. We made the decision together that even if we found out whose body was not allowing pregnancy, that we would NOT blame each other or ourselves. Trust me, this is hard to follow (especially when blaming yourself) – but it’s so worth it. We knew there were a few options – male factor, female factor, or unexplained. One thing for sure – we were going to get some “answers”.

I am thankful he is an encourager, and loves me through all of the emotions, thoughts, and fear. We needed peace of mind to know what was going on with our bodies.

Pursue your dreams of being parents:

If this is something you are struggling with, I encourage you to pursue answers – regardless of how long that process takes. For some, it may be simple – for others it may be more complex – and for a few it may be “unexplained”.

Steps:

  1. Call your insurance – see what they cover for fertility, how long you need to have been trying to conceive for, and ask if they require a referral (many do). Ours covered all the diagnostic parts of the process, some even cover IVF if you need to go that route in the future.
  2. Set up a time to meet with a local fertility Doctor – do a little research to find the right one for you. We are blessed to have found a truly caring Doctor – who understands our desire to be as natural as possible. Find one that fits your needs/desires.
  3. GO – sometimes this is the hardest step. Just go, don’t let the fears hold you back from pursuing your dreams.
  4. Find some individuals to support you emotionally through this process outside of just your spouse. Having a few core friends/family members to love you, encourage you, and pray for you is so valuable.

Remember, you are not alone.

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Fertility Journey

The results are in… and we still wait.

January 26th – I felt nauseous all day and it was hard to breath at times while I waited for their call. I finally got so impatient at 1:47pm that I called them. I could not keep myself distracted for more than 3 minutes – that result was all I could think about. The lady I spoke with said they were making their calls and should be calling me shortly… so I waited some more.
 
2:30 I called a client… and while it was ringing, Dr. Sobel must have called. He left a voicemail, and I prepared myself to listen while I was sitting in the parking lot of Michaels. I could feel the blood pumping through my body. Excited, scared, hopeful, doubtful, a little bit of everything… a very somber Dr. Sobel – “Hi Michele, this is Dr. Sobel. Michele, I don’t have good news for you today. I’m sorry. The bloodwork for the test today was negative, I’m so sorry….” My heart stopped and sunk – way down to my toes. That hope briefly disappeared, and as I’m typing this at 10:39pm on that same day – I am weeping again.
 
How was I going to pull myself together, go on an appointment, and then tell Jake later this evening? How? How could I even possibly drive home right now… how could I get through the evening. Even though I didn’t know how I would do it, I am thankful that client appointment was scheduled ahead of time, otherwise I may have just curled up in a ball and tirelessly cried all evening. Instead, I was able to pull my mind away from it for a few hours, which in turn ended up being what I needed. I wanted to call and cancel, but I am thankful I didn’t.
 
I truly felt your prayers on the drive home, a blanket of comfort began to surround me as I pulled on to Route 30. I could hear text after text coming in that you were each praying for the results. I value those prayers, texts, messages, and calls. You got me through today, and for that I thank you.
 
When I told Jake, he held me. Closely. Just what I needed. I made dinner and we snuggled up to watch some TV while eating. And then… we decided to catch up on some of “This Is Us” – big mistake. The episode they found out they were having triplets, bought their home, and flash-forward images of the babies and bath time. My heart, my heart. Jake knew immediately. He comforted me and held me.
 
Jakob, I know you’re struggling too. You are so strong for me, but your desire to be a Father is so apparent in every aspect of your life. I am full of joy when I see you with children, and I cannot wait for you to experience life through the eyes of fatherhood. Please pray for him as he, too, stumbles through the valleys of this journey – there are peaks ahead, but we really need you in the deepest, darkest moments. We know we’re not alone, but many days it feels as though we are. It’s hard, it’s raw, but the Lord is carrying us through this. We ask that you help carry us too. Laugh with us, cry with us, and rejoice with us.
 
PRAISE #1: I needed to call that client in that moment – so I was distracted. If I would have waiting 30 seconds more, I would have had to call the client AFTER I received the news. I was also able to play the voicemail for Jake.
 
PRAISE #2: Thankful for Dr. Sobel and his heart and compassion. You hear it in his words, and you see it in his actions.
 
PRAISE #3: We went out for a DATE NIGHT on Saturday night! When we entered the theater, we ran in to a very dear friend! Thankful for her hugs and prayers in that moment. I don’t see her often, but we were able to sit next to her in the theater (praying for you too, dear friend!)
 
What’s next?: We are taking a month off from the medication and testing – it was a lot on my body, and I had to make the decision within a day or two after finding out I was not pregnant. That’s a lot to handle. We’re working on the grant applications, and will be moving forward with another round next month – unless we have a MIRACLE in the meantime!
Fertility Journey

..and so we wait

Monday, January 25, 2017: 12:58pm

This waiting period is awful. Tomorrow morning could not come soon enough – and then even a few more hours wait until I’ll receive any news. Thankful for the prayers and to those who have reached out to me this past week. There are not enough distractions in the world to keep me distracted long enough from this anticipation. Each and every moment of down time allows my heart to yearn, hopeful to take that time to pray instead of worry.

Jake, you are my rock. Thank you for all that you’ve done, all that you are doing, and all you will do for us and our future family – whatever the Lords leads our family to look like. You WILL be an amazing Daddy some day,

We have hope, and are praying for a miracle.

 

Tuesday, January 26, 2017: 9:33am

Blood was drawn, so now we wait. I should know by aound 2:30pm today.

While I was there I ran in to a dear friend, continuing to pray for you and your sweet miracle! (You know who you are!) 💜 Comforting to know others are going through this with you, even if you’d love for no one else to experience this. You are strong, so excited for you guys and your next step!

Now, off to keep myself occupied!

Tuesday, January 26, 2017: 10:53am

 

Passing time at my favorite coffee shop!

Holding back tears while reading this book. Only through the Coauthor’s Note and Introduction so far… wow!
If he can get through THAT, I can get through THIS!

Your outpouring of love and prayers has been evident today. THANK YOU!

 

Fertility Journey

Ovulation?

Quick update:

Jake and I met with Dr. Sobel on Thursday at 3:30pm. Bloodwork was taken to see if I did end up ovulating or not. Received a call the next day – I did! So that’s great news. Doesn’t mean pregnancy, but means everything did what it should so far!

I am currently on a Progesterone Suppository.

He reviewed all of our testing with us. Jake’s counts look great! Really nothing showing for me in particular either. “Unexplained” at this point still.

Moving forward – praying for pregnancy this time around. I will not be posting immediately (regardless of pregnancy or not) when we find out. However, be in prayer through this waiting period. The “two-week wait” is so difficult. Thankful for the many distractions lately.

What’s next?: If not pregnant we will look in to another round of Letrozole ($1100) or the Pure FSH ($1550). The costs are like that since it is past the diagnostic stage – so insurance will not pay.

We are HOPEFUL for a miracle. Please pray with us and for us. Our “WHY” in business has become even more apparent – CHILDREN, and not allowing the financial burden of pursing what we feel the Lord is leading us to!

Thankful for our supportive friends, family, clients, and business friends! We value each and every one of you!

Fertility Journey

Finding Joy

We have hope – and we continue to find joy.

Sorry I did not update sooner, many of you have been asking about the appointment. This week has been a little crazy – with our youth Winter Retreat coming up, business meetings, my dad’s shoulder surgery and more fertility appointments.

I had a lot headaches/migraines, achey muscles and joints, light-headedness, and other symptoms with the Letrozole. Praying for a precious miracle so we can avoid further need for Letrozole or othermedications. There is an option for shots which are pure FSH – MUCH more natural, but more expensive. We may seek this route in the future if necessary.

Thursday, January 5th I had my appointment for the Saline HSG and Saline Sonogram. Everything went smoothly, until she needed to manually open my cervix to take a biopsy. Thankful Jake was there so I could squeeze his hand and not yell (too) loudly.
– Results: Lining looked great, tubes were clear/open, and they will be sending the biopsy out.

Jake had taken the day off for my appointment and an appointment he had later in the day. It was a blessing to spend the full day with him. He’s my rock! (“Moment of JOY”) Went out with the family for my early birthday celebration – Hibachi grill – great ending to the day!

Tuesday, January 10th I went in for a follow-up appointment by myself. They drew blood to see if I ovulated (she called later that day around 2:30pm to let me know that I did not ovulate on my own). Another ultrasound was performed: Dr. Sobel was VERY pleased with my lining (9mm), and extremely thrilled with how I responded to the Letrozole – “2 very beautiful follicles” – talk about an ego boost, haha! (“Moment of JOY”) The nurse gave me the Ovidrel that would force my body to ovulate – Letrozole drops your Estrogen in order to create great follicles, however, often times it cannot catch up quickly enough for ovulation.

Jake and I have another follow-up appointment on Thursday, January 19th at 3:30pm. Dr. Sobel would like to review all of our results these past few weeks, and establish a plan moving forward.

We treasure your prayers.

(Photo is of us in the waiting room on 1/5/17)

Fertility Journey

Merry Christmas

Wishing each of you a VERY Merry Christmas. May you find comfort and joy in the time spent with your family. Cherish every moment together, and hug your little ones a little tighter. Be encouraged by their excitement Christmas morning while waiting to open their presents. Be PRESENT in each moment – capture the love and joy in your memories.

Prayers for our hearts and emotions right now would be a blessing. This will be our last family Christmas (on Shelly’s side) without aneice/nephew – bitter sweet the reminder of my brother and sister-in-law expecting a little one. Joyous for them, but my heart aches deeper – an active reminder of our vacancy. Many have asked how we’re doing with it – and I truly don’t have a way to describe the juxtaposition of joy and saddness.

I pray for each of you who have reached out to me to share your struggle of infertility. I love you, and we WILL get through this. Thankful to lean on others when we need encouragement and to know you’re not in this alone as a couple – but we don’t wish this heartache on anyone. You are in our hearts!

* Photo: Shelly and Santa Jake! He’s a good sport each year at the Chiropractic office I work at – what a joy to see him with each of the children (and adults). *